Further Ranting about Coffee Customers, Slightly Grounded in Fact

(Coffee Customer = complacent, middle class, Anglo-Saxon, heterosexual, suburban people with a little too much money*)

The highly competitive retail industry in the United States has created the most self-entitled, rude, and lazy customers the world has ever seen. The retail sector of the U.S. economy is a big pile of money - somewhere right around 335 billion dollars just last month (May 2004) alone. I could buy a lot of beer for that amount of cash.

In the process of fighting over a slice of that pie, businesses will suck as much cock as they have to. The customer is always right. Free samples. We’ll stay open later just for you. As soon as your dumb ass wanders into our store, the sun shines out your anus, Mr. and Mrs. Customer! We appreciate your business, even though we don't necessarily have it yet! Of course, it’s the shmuck in the apron who really has to kneel and bob. It is an unstated law that a customer may be rude, stupid, or generally difficult, and the cashier has to deal with it without complaint. This law is sometimes bent or broken:

1)At the really good, hole-in-the wall taco shops in San Diego. The staff barely speaks English, and they don’t give a shit about how some picky, asshole Anglo wants pinto beans instead of refried beans. Americans do not know jack shit about work ethic compared to the legions of Latin Americans who play an essential part in our lives. I respect them for that. You racist, anti-immigration “patriots” would have to clean your own hotel rooms, pick your own vegetables, do all the landscaping yourselves, and a lot more if you sent these people back to where they came from. Shit; you can’t even drive. You need all the help you can get. Behave yourself and show some respect, Gringo, and you’ll be treated just fine. One doesn’t go into a taco shop for pleasantries, anyway; it’s all about the carne asada.

2)At a small business where the owner is doing well and has enough self respect to tell an unruly customer to go fuck him/herself. I’ve seen this, and it’s good entertainment. A busy bar or New York delicatessen are good places to see assholes reminded that the world would go on just fine if they dropped dead (and they are sometimes encouraged to do just that).

3)When an employee has finally had enough and is ready to go out in style. They blow up at a customer, either stomp out or get fired on the spot, and other employees have to take up the slack. It’s worth it if it was a big enough scene (obscenity, suggestions about putting things in anatomically inconvenient places, inferences about the sexual habits of one’s mother and how much she charges for it, et cetera).

It is part of the American Culture to feel entitled to a lot when you’re in front of the counter. Politeness and common courtesy are still around, but the busy, materialistic, morally bankrupt parents of the last few decades have raised some shitty kids, so it’s only getting worse. There are a lot of rude old people, rude middle aged people, and rude young people. It’s getting more and more okay to be a dick. Kids have been raised by the television in the absence of example, discipline and consequence. Sure, it’s often necessary for both parents to work these days, but so many of them come home and have no meaningful interaction with the family. So many of them get divorced. No time for manners. I’m just saying that there is room for improvement there. I’ve known a number of nannies who play a larger role in a child’s life than the actual parents because they are too wealthy and busy. They are unwilling to splurge on the ultimate luxury: time.

Of course, there are lots of polite people and good kids out there. Thanks, and keep it up. As for the rest of you, don’t be confused when you have a caffeine headache this afternoon. Your mocha was probably made decaf because you threw your money on the counter. Or because you were on your pacifier - er, I mean cell phone. Or because you talked down to the person working the register. Good. Suffer. Rudeness should not be rewarded. Of course, I would never personally engage in such petty behavior; it’s just something I’ve heard rumors about.



*There are always exceptions to my self-righteous generalizations, but I refer to this demographic (I also call them Yuppies, but that’s technically not correct. They are not necessarily young or urban or professional) merely because almost all of the assholes with which I come in contact belong to it. In contrast, various people embody the antithesis of this group. I mean to say that here are some people who are often polite, thoughtful, patient, and circumspect:
Minorities
Homosexuals
Liberals
Some college students
People who work at brewpubs, wine shops, and independently owned music stores

Why? People have a certain degree of perspective when they haven’t spent their lives taking everything for granted. The same applies when they are actively curious and critical. Lastly, people who do something they really love just seem to be nicer than average. I mentioned those specific businesses because it combines the dedication to a craft with poverty, which keeps one from being an uppity prick.