Updates to the System

Since things are different now from when our Founding Fathers wrote the Constitution, I suggest some updates to our system of government:

1)Brevity: Since the majority of information we get about our government comes in soundbites of 30 seconds or less, I propose a maximum term limit of one day for all elected offices.
2)No political parties allowed.
3)No campaigns allowed.
4)Television programs featuring people of opposing opinions who argue about politics and interrupt each other shall be punishable by death. Producers and network executives, especially. Death by pliers. On television.
5)Since evidently the United States has elected itself the fucking policeman of the world, I propose we charge the world taxes for our services.
6)End the electoral college. Or, simply declare that each and every eligible voter is in fact a state with the attendant electoral votes. People who talk on cel phones while driving are worth no electoral votes, people who brew their own beer are worth more.
7)Free doughnuts on Wednesdays.