The Classics

Years ago, when I was a studly young English major, I read a good deal of what is called classic literature. I read works of Homer, Virgil, Sophocles, Euripides, Aristophanes, Thucydides, Tacitus, Seneca, and more. I am currently reading The Odyssey again, and I will do likewise with The Iliad (out of order, I suppose). I have the books in my boxes back in Michigan (I assume Mom hasn't sold them yet), but I bought new ones to read here in North Carolina. Barnes & Noble and Borders both offer many works of literature cheaply under their own brands. Perhaps I was reminded of these by the release of the movie Troy. I haven't seen the film; I doubt I will bother. Given the track record of the American film industry, there is simply too high a probability that the movie is a peanut-encrusted turd.

At any rate, I'm enjoying the book more than I did the first time. I love the grandeur of the characters, and I savor the language. I wish we, as modern citizens of the world, spoke with more gravity. Here are some examples:

The wind keeps blowing out this cheapass little propane grill.
translation:
Oh, that this grill were more richly wrought; mighty Aeolus, god of winds, doth vex me.

You keep leaving the toilet seat up.
translation:
Oft times have you left the throne unprepared for me.

God only knows how you get laid.
translation:
Aegis-bearing Zeus has left the secret of your manhood unknown.

Paper or plastic, sir?
translation:
The path that the immortal gods have chosen for you is a difficult one; wouldst thou carry your barley in well-sown sacks or in amphorae?

Get the hell out of the left lane, you moron.
translation:
Oh, if only clear-eyed Athena would plant zeal in your breast, for to speed your travels.

I think it would be a better world to live in if we talked that way.